Eliminate the work and stress from sex:

1. Communication. It is very important to communicate with your partner in a gentle, non-threatening manner. Always approach sexual topics with an open mind and an open heart.

Questions to discuss with your partner:

How would you describe the type of communication you have with your partner?

Do you feel comfortable sharing intimate feelings and ideas with your partner?

Do you communicate during an argument or does it escalate to the point of no return?

How do you end up resolving a conflict–through passive-aggressive means until it fades away or are you comfortable talking about how to resolve the issue at hand?

Do you feel like you can share your sexual fantasies with your partner?

Do you know how to communicate with your partner in a loving, compassionate way?

2. Slow down the sex. Think of your sexuality as an exploration with your partner. Take it in slow motion.

Questions to discuss with your partner:

Is lovemaking with your partner fast?

Do you feel you are getting your needs met during sex?

Is your partner aware of your sexual needs?

Do you feel comfortable showing your partner how to please you?

Would you and your partner be willing to slow down the pace in order to maximize sexual pleasure for both of you?

3. Don’t be “goal-oriented.” Don’t be concerned about either you or your partner reaching orgasm. Enjoy each other and be in the moment.

Questions to discuss with your partner:

Is your partner concerned about ejaculating and doesn’t wait for you?

Does your partner want you to reach orgasm before he/she does and sometimes this creates a sense of pressure for you?

Could you both explore the option of having a sexual experience and practice not reaching an orgasm? Try it out!

Can you and your partner practice making the goal of sex a more intimate energetic, spiritual connection instead of making it all about the physical pleasure every once in a while?

4. Touch. Use this sense in an almost exaggerated way. Blindfold each other or close your eyes to feel your way as if it is new territory you have yet to discover.

Questions to discuss with your partner:

Do you and your partner touch each other in a loving way?

Do you touch yourself in an erotic way in front of your partner, or is it uncomfortable for you to do so?

Do you try new ways of touching to add more pleasure to yourself and your partner?

Does your partner take his/her time for foreplay?

Do you usually end up moving right to intercourse because your partner is “ready to go?”

5. Trust. The most satisfying sexual experiences typically come in relationships based on trust. Trust allows you to be more comfortable with who you are sexually, eliminates worry about how your body looks, and eliminates concern about sharing your true desires and communicating your needs to your partner. It creates the comfort zone for exploration.

Questions to discuss with your partner:

Do you trust your partner in the bedroom?

Do you feel relaxed or uptight during sex?

Do you feel your partner may hold something against you that you shared or tried during a sexual experience with him/her?

Do you wish you could try different sexual positions or experiment with toys with your partner, but are concerned he/she might think you’re strange?

Does your partner have “weird” fantasies that concern you or that you don’t feel comfortable exploring?

Do you and your partner share your fantasies with each other?

6. Focus on your partner. This will definitely be returned to you. Take yourself out of your own sexual experience and concentrate on your partner. Rekindle his or her fire. Learn what he or she likes–you may be surprised! Next time it can be your turn.

Questions to discuss with your partner:

Can you imagine allowing yourself to focus on your partner during sex–making it all about him/her?

Do you think your partner could focus only on you occasionally during sex or would he/she be too concerned with ejaculating or cumming?

Do you see the benefit of exploring your partner in a new sexual way . . . finding new pleasure zones no matter how long you have been together?

7. Just do it! Next time you or your partner wants to have sex, don’t say no. Just go ahead and do it. Doing so can help jumpstart the process. There is no time like the present. Try making a date for sex and allow your partner the chance to jump start your engine–help him/her out if need be. You can make sex “sexy” even it it’s planned. Take the stigma out of sex and just do it!

Questions to discuss with your partner:

Have you ever made a date for sex?

Is your sex life TIRED?

Do you think you need to jazz things up in the bedroom?


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