The world of relationships
through my lens
has been awe inspiring.
The stories I hear, the amazing people I meet, the pain I witness, the triumphs I get to admire and the healing I help assist with have all contributed to my life in a beautiful way.
I see a lot of women, all ages. I listen to story after story and they all have similar roots. It sometimes feels like a revolving door.
I often say…”I just heard this same scenario with the last woman”. These stories and issues are all about dating and finding love.
We all want and need to be loved. It’s part of the human condition. It scares us to death to think of spending our whole life alone.
The view through my lens is this……
We live in a time where we have conditioned ourselves to put sex before the emotional connection. Women and even our teens are accustomed to this behavior. This post is not about judging when we have sex with someone, but it is about learning to stand in our sexual power! This is a real issue that has gotten to epidemic proportions and is truly affecting women of all ages, but predominately our youth.
I hear stories from many women, but the ones that concern me the most are the ones from the teenagers. They have such a NEED to be loved and accepted and fit in. Young girls are having sex in very casual settings and frequently because it’s what has become expected. They believe this is what they “should” do to get a boy to like them. The worst part is how they feel afterwards. They talk about feeling used and disconnected from themselves and the boy. Often there is little to no conversation, making it even more awkward. When asked about details of the experience, they often say they didn’t even like it, but know that the boy did.
Somewhere along the way the message is not getting through, the conversations are not happening or maybe we just don’t know how to begin to talk about such a vulnerable, sensitive subject. Imagine a young woman who grows up giving herself away to one boy after another and each time feeling horrible about herself because she thinks this is what love is. She believes that sex and love are the same. She lives in silence feeling shameful and worthless at times. Nobody talked to her about how sex and love are different and what it means to emotionally connect with someone on a deep level. Nobody ever told her that sex truly is beautiful and to honor her sexuality as a gift. She grows up believing that sex is about the act and the orgasm and that if the boy shows he’s sexually attractive to her, then she is beautiful. Now imagine you as an adult woman and you are still entangled in this same maze. You begin to wonder what is wrong with you and often feel depressed and left thinking…”why do I feel unloveable?” Nothing is wrong with this woman except that she was never told about how to integrate the sexual piece of herself into her identity. It’s conveniently left out of the family conversations. We shy away from it and say things like…”keep your legs closed” or don’t act like a slut” or even another extreme, we push our girls to have a boyfriend because we, as mothers, want them to be popular. I could write forever on this subject.
There is so much work to be done here and it’s all about self worth. We are sexual beings and when we are not educated about this beautiful part of ourselves (boys included), we come through life wounded in a very deep way.